I apologise in advance to interested parties who I may have to unraven thier personal life with this post.
DEC 9 2015-
This marked my 6th year anniversary with my dear husband and partner. I must say marriage is a learning process. We have indeed had our ups and downs and I thank God for all of them. I have grown immensely - coming from an introvert and now learning to accommodate the extended family.
I am still learning. I am not perfect. I try my best and especially my siblings can attest to that. I still however like my space and small crowd, I still love my close knit friendship but I pray to God to open my heart for more people. We need people - that's true, as much as they need us.
My last post- WHEN ALL HOPE IS GONE- I was ministering first and foremost to myself and others who needed to hear this. It was my last blow. I had given up and needed to uplift myself again.
I am about to write about my personal life and am a bit scared. I do not know if this is wise and because of course it involves other parties who I know LOVE their privacy.
I am doing this because I made a promise to God that if he blesses me I will post of His goodness on my blog. I know I have been living a lie to most of my friends and family and I must apologise but trust you me its not easy - I hope you will understand.
I am doing this because out of the few I have shared I have come to realise a lot of women suffer in silence and I just want to give hope to someone who might be in the same situation. I will make it brief but am sure by now you are getting the drift.
They say praise the Lord in the corridors- until that door opens: Easier said than done. I reached a point in my life when I no longer felt like praying or praising God. It was not worth it. I had had my what I considered small prayers answered with immediate effect but I had one which was unanswered for quite sometime and was really shaking my faith.
After 2 years of marriage we decided it was time to start our own family- No more using contraceptives. Proverbs 19:21 Many are the plans in a man's heart but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails. Little did we know that we were starting another journey of Trying To Conceive.
After months of no success we decided to go seek medical help. As always the woman goes first then the man follows. We were in and out with many sessions, I nearly lost it. We were on drugs one after the other but nothing worked. We were ok fertility- wise but I was just not getting pregnant.
Pressure started piling from within and outside. I brushed questions off with answers like we were not ready yet, am still pursuing my education until I had nothing else to lie with. I just avoided the topic and I know my hubby was going through a rough time also. He felt ready to start his family as age was also catching up with us plus you know how friends mock you. At first it may seem as a joke but as time goes on the joke ain't funny no more.
Our families got to know of our "little" problem plus a few friends. We prayed together, we fasted but still nothing. Desperate times calls for desperate measures- let me just say I visited a few men of God, one after the other, they prayed for me gave me herbal medicine to drink but still nothing.
I remember one time breaking down in my gynae's office during my check up. I had had enough of those medicines and when he announced that now the last option will be IVF which is also not guaranteed I felt my world was crushed. That was the last time I went to his office. I was not going to see any doc or go to any man of God.
I was tired of all false hopes. I thought God was punishing me and I let Him be. I thought why fight, if He cannot feel my pain and take away this suffering why bother. I had given up on the journey of Trying To Conceive, I had given up on church but occasionally tuned into watch Sunday Service on Television. I would at times receive message of hope only to be crushed by my monthly periods. Every time my periods would start I would break down again - cry like a child.
I would at this part thank my family and friends who kept on praying for me and even encouraging me. I remember we had a slogan, "Dear Lord if am going to wait, make it worth the wait" This was my last hope. My little faith.
The journey was rough then finally my breakthrough came. I love Gloria Muliro's song " Hata usiku uwe mrefu ndugu kutapambazuka" No matter how long the night is morning will come.
My morning finally came. I myself could not believe it. On April 19th was my first day of my last period. My next one should ideally have come on May 20th but nothing. I got scared. I was happy but was afraid of getting excited lest it be that my periods were just late.
I went to test and the results were negative- another setback. My husband though believed that I was indeed pregnant despite the results. Did a home test in June and the results came out positive. Boy was I the happiest woman on earth.
I BROKE DOWN- CRIED LIKE A BABY.
Difference is that this time round these were tears of joy.
It was confirmed I was pregnant.
December 14 2015.
Today I am 34 weeks pregnant. My tummy is very big you would think am giving birth tomorrow. The love I have been getting all over I just can't explain. Let me just say everyone treats you well when you are pregnant.
I am enjoying this journey and I thank God for my miracle.
Clock ticking......
Weeks just away to hold my miracle, my very own, my child, one who will call me mummy.
Lesson learnt:
It is not easy waiting upon the Lord but He surely makes things beautiful in His own time.
Pray for me as I pray for you all.
This is MY TESTIMONY that miracles still happen. That moment when you feel like you are at the end of the tunnel and you leave it to God- that is the point my miracle came through. It was not the doc, not the men of God- this was God and He proved it to me.
I am grateful I have a story to tell. I hope it encourages someone.
With Love,
the Woman in ME.
