I apologise in advance to interested parties who I may have to unraven thier personal life with this post.
DEC 9 2015-
This marked my 6th year anniversary with my dear husband and partner. I must say marriage is a learning process. We have indeed had our ups and downs and I thank God for all of them. I have grown immensely - coming from an introvert and now learning to accommodate the extended family.
I am still learning. I am not perfect. I try my best and especially my siblings can attest to that. I still however like my space and small crowd, I still love my close knit friendship but I pray to God to open my heart for more people. We need people - that's true, as much as they need us.
My last post- WHEN ALL HOPE IS GONE- I was ministering first and foremost to myself and others who needed to hear this. It was my last blow. I had given up and needed to uplift myself again.
I am about to write about my personal life and am a bit scared. I do not know if this is wise and because of course it involves other parties who I know LOVE their privacy.
I am doing this because I made a promise to God that if he blesses me I will post of His goodness on my blog. I know I have been living a lie to most of my friends and family and I must apologise but trust you me its not easy - I hope you will understand.
I am doing this because out of the few I have shared I have come to realise a lot of women suffer in silence and I just want to give hope to someone who might be in the same situation. I will make it brief but am sure by now you are getting the drift.
They say praise the Lord in the corridors- until that door opens: Easier said than done. I reached a point in my life when I no longer felt like praying or praising God. It was not worth it. I had had my what I considered small prayers answered with immediate effect but I had one which was unanswered for quite sometime and was really shaking my faith.
After 2 years of marriage we decided it was time to start our own family- No more using contraceptives. Proverbs 19:21 Many are the plans in a man's heart but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails. Little did we know that we were starting another journey of Trying To Conceive.
After months of no success we decided to go seek medical help. As always the woman goes first then the man follows. We were in and out with many sessions, I nearly lost it. We were on drugs one after the other but nothing worked. We were ok fertility- wise but I was just not getting pregnant.
Pressure started piling from within and outside. I brushed questions off with answers like we were not ready yet, am still pursuing my education until I had nothing else to lie with. I just avoided the topic and I know my hubby was going through a rough time also. He felt ready to start his family as age was also catching up with us plus you know how friends mock you. At first it may seem as a joke but as time goes on the joke ain't funny no more.
Our families got to know of our "little" problem plus a few friends. We prayed together, we fasted but still nothing. Desperate times calls for desperate measures- let me just say I visited a few men of God, one after the other, they prayed for me gave me herbal medicine to drink but still nothing.
I remember one time breaking down in my gynae's office during my check up. I had had enough of those medicines and when he announced that now the last option will be IVF which is also not guaranteed I felt my world was crushed. That was the last time I went to his office. I was not going to see any doc or go to any man of God.
I was tired of all false hopes. I thought God was punishing me and I let Him be. I thought why fight, if He cannot feel my pain and take away this suffering why bother. I had given up on the journey of Trying To Conceive, I had given up on church but occasionally tuned into watch Sunday Service on Television. I would at times receive message of hope only to be crushed by my monthly periods. Every time my periods would start I would break down again - cry like a child.
I would at this part thank my family and friends who kept on praying for me and even encouraging me. I remember we had a slogan, "Dear Lord if am going to wait, make it worth the wait" This was my last hope. My little faith.
The journey was rough then finally my breakthrough came. I love Gloria Muliro's song " Hata usiku uwe mrefu ndugu kutapambazuka" No matter how long the night is morning will come.
My morning finally came. I myself could not believe it. On April 19th was my first day of my last period. My next one should ideally have come on May 20th but nothing. I got scared. I was happy but was afraid of getting excited lest it be that my periods were just late.
I went to test and the results were negative- another setback. My husband though believed that I was indeed pregnant despite the results. Did a home test in June and the results came out positive. Boy was I the happiest woman on earth.
I BROKE DOWN- CRIED LIKE A BABY.
Difference is that this time round these were tears of joy.
It was confirmed I was pregnant.
December 14 2015.
Today I am 34 weeks pregnant. My tummy is very big you would think am giving birth tomorrow. The love I have been getting all over I just can't explain. Let me just say everyone treats you well when you are pregnant.
I am enjoying this journey and I thank God for my miracle.
Clock ticking......
Weeks just away to hold my miracle, my very own, my child, one who will call me mummy.
Lesson learnt:
It is not easy waiting upon the Lord but He surely makes things beautiful in His own time.
Pray for me as I pray for you all.
This is MY TESTIMONY that miracles still happen. That moment when you feel like you are at the end of the tunnel and you leave it to God- that is the point my miracle came through. It was not the doc, not the men of God- this was God and He proved it to me.
I am grateful I have a story to tell. I hope it encourages someone.
With Love,
the Woman in ME.
Monday, 14 December 2015
Monday, 23 March 2015
WHEN ALL HOPE IS GONE.
Yes I have prayed about it for too long now, I don't want to pray about it any more. I mean how can you pray for one prayer item for over years.
Yes I have read the scriptures and it is according to God's will.
Yes I have had others encourage me to wait for God's time. I wonder if there's something like God's timing any more, how do I know it is not meant for me now?
I am angry.
I am hopeless. Who do I pour out my anger to? To mankind? Do I blame it on my parents? Do I blame my spouse? Do I get angry at God? How can I even be angry at someone I still need?
I believe most of us have been in this situation at one time in our lifetime, when the answers are too far to reach. When all hope is gone.
How can I pretend to feel your pain if I can not relate with what you are going through? How can you console a woman who has lost a child if you do not even know the much pain she is going through?
.........Just be there for them. Sometimes you do not even have to talk, your presence is just enough.Be the friend you will want them to be.
The battle though is within. One has to pull themselves out of this situation. Unless you are ready to heal you will remain in the same sick position and hopeless.You must have the strong will. Know that in all these you can overcome.Fight for your happiness, I mean You Only Live Once, Live Well.
1. Read the Bible. There's an enormous wealth of knowledge in this book. Though we overlook it sometimes it has a lot we can learn from.
2. Talk to a trusted person. Do not keep it all bottled up. It may consume you and lead to unnecessary illnesses like ulcers. Find someone you can share out your problems. Sometimes just having someone listen to you really helps, if they can advice accordingly the better. At times you will find others have gone through the same or even worse and they have overcome.
3. Find other reasons to be happy. Do not concentrate on your problems you will only magnify them. Do not worry so much. Mathew 6:34. Take a day at a time. Take care of you. Find things that make you happy and do them.
4. Surround yourself with people.Do not lock yourself out from the community. Socialize. Volunteer to attend that office cocktail. Join a Chama that meets occasionally. Join a fellowship group from your church. Just make yourself busy and don't give your mind a chance to feel sorry for itself.
5. Pray. Learn how to pray. Pray targeted prayers to your situation. Sometimes we run to men of God to pray for us or even our friends but we forget we have the ability to do so ourselves. They can help you to pray but you must continue to pray for yourself each and every day.
6. Do not compare yourself with others. Everyone has there own journey. Do not compare yourself or spouse with others. It is only the wearer of the shoes who knows where it pinches. You might not know the pain and sacrifices others had to take to get where they are. Sometimes its not all rosy on the other side as you might imagine.At the end of the day we all have our own journey and that is why we are unique in different interesting ways.
Your belief in a higher being will come in handy. We all know that God is Love and His plans for us are good.
I have this statement we use with my friend and spiritual mentor " God if I am going to wait for _ __ , make it worth the wait" Simply if I have been say waiting for a wedding for quite sometime dear Lord when the time comes make it the most memorable wedding of a lifetime? This can apply to any situation, say a car, a house, a business opportunity, a good job- just fill the blank space with your prayer item.
What have you been praying for? Have faith that things are moving even if you are not seeing them, know that people are in the factory making it possible for you. Just think of it that your's is a bit special it has to take time for it to come out perfectly. God is preparing you for something bigger, bigger than even what you think and when the time comes you will understand. You will look back and smile. The bigger your problems the bigger your testimony.
In all this the good always win. The devil can only postpone your destiny, but when the time comes...........Oh My God (dancing round) It will be worth the wait.
I only pray that God may give you patience. Pray without ceasing. May the peace that surpasses all understanding be with you.Keep the right attitude. Have a heart of thanksgiving in all circumstances. Acknowledge God in all your works. Give Him all the glory for He is a jealous God.
Our God is good and out of Him comes goodness. Whatever you are praying for as long as it is according to God's will have faith that it will come to pass.
The same God who has kept you all this while, who has won other battles for you, is the same one who will win this one for you. He never changes. He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. If He did it for you, He will still do it for you.
Have faith, smile, dress up and show up.
Everything will fall in place.
Be Blessed.
With love,
the Woman in me.
Yes I have read the scriptures and it is according to God's will.
Yes I have had others encourage me to wait for God's time. I wonder if there's something like God's timing any more, how do I know it is not meant for me now?
I am angry.
I am hopeless. Who do I pour out my anger to? To mankind? Do I blame it on my parents? Do I blame my spouse? Do I get angry at God? How can I even be angry at someone I still need?
I believe most of us have been in this situation at one time in our lifetime, when the answers are too far to reach. When all hope is gone.
How can I pretend to feel your pain if I can not relate with what you are going through? How can you console a woman who has lost a child if you do not even know the much pain she is going through?
.........Just be there for them. Sometimes you do not even have to talk, your presence is just enough.Be the friend you will want them to be.
The battle though is within. One has to pull themselves out of this situation. Unless you are ready to heal you will remain in the same sick position and hopeless.You must have the strong will. Know that in all these you can overcome.Fight for your happiness, I mean You Only Live Once, Live Well.
1. Read the Bible. There's an enormous wealth of knowledge in this book. Though we overlook it sometimes it has a lot we can learn from.
2. Talk to a trusted person. Do not keep it all bottled up. It may consume you and lead to unnecessary illnesses like ulcers. Find someone you can share out your problems. Sometimes just having someone listen to you really helps, if they can advice accordingly the better. At times you will find others have gone through the same or even worse and they have overcome.
3. Find other reasons to be happy. Do not concentrate on your problems you will only magnify them. Do not worry so much. Mathew 6:34. Take a day at a time. Take care of you. Find things that make you happy and do them.
4. Surround yourself with people.Do not lock yourself out from the community. Socialize. Volunteer to attend that office cocktail. Join a Chama that meets occasionally. Join a fellowship group from your church. Just make yourself busy and don't give your mind a chance to feel sorry for itself.
5. Pray. Learn how to pray. Pray targeted prayers to your situation. Sometimes we run to men of God to pray for us or even our friends but we forget we have the ability to do so ourselves. They can help you to pray but you must continue to pray for yourself each and every day.
6. Do not compare yourself with others. Everyone has there own journey. Do not compare yourself or spouse with others. It is only the wearer of the shoes who knows where it pinches. You might not know the pain and sacrifices others had to take to get where they are. Sometimes its not all rosy on the other side as you might imagine.At the end of the day we all have our own journey and that is why we are unique in different interesting ways.
Your belief in a higher being will come in handy. We all know that God is Love and His plans for us are good.
I have this statement we use with my friend and spiritual mentor " God if I am going to wait for _ __ , make it worth the wait" Simply if I have been say waiting for a wedding for quite sometime dear Lord when the time comes make it the most memorable wedding of a lifetime? This can apply to any situation, say a car, a house, a business opportunity, a good job- just fill the blank space with your prayer item.
What have you been praying for? Have faith that things are moving even if you are not seeing them, know that people are in the factory making it possible for you. Just think of it that your's is a bit special it has to take time for it to come out perfectly. God is preparing you for something bigger, bigger than even what you think and when the time comes you will understand. You will look back and smile. The bigger your problems the bigger your testimony.
In all this the good always win. The devil can only postpone your destiny, but when the time comes...........Oh My God (dancing round) It will be worth the wait.
I only pray that God may give you patience. Pray without ceasing. May the peace that surpasses all understanding be with you.Keep the right attitude. Have a heart of thanksgiving in all circumstances. Acknowledge God in all your works. Give Him all the glory for He is a jealous God.
Our God is good and out of Him comes goodness. Whatever you are praying for as long as it is according to God's will have faith that it will come to pass.
The same God who has kept you all this while, who has won other battles for you, is the same one who will win this one for you. He never changes. He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. If He did it for you, He will still do it for you.
Have faith, smile, dress up and show up.
Everything will fall in place.
Be Blessed.
With love,
the Woman in me.
Monday, 9 March 2015
WOMEN CHAMA
Women Chama- "A gathering where women go to gossip and incite one another" this is what most of our men think we do.
Honestly speaking they are not that far from the truth.
Before you start raising all insults on me allow me to explain my point.
Let me say every woman should have an active Chama, if you are not in one you are missing out big time.The pros of being in one actually beats the cons.
Women Chama started way back with our great grandparents and it is attributed to development in the society. Women formed into small vikundi's and contributed money say monthly and helped one another in starting different income generating projects thus lifting the economic status for members.This led to transformation from mud houses to mabati houses.
In these Women Chamas they gave out loans to members for emergencies or even self development at a small fee and the interest generated was again loaned out to members or they would share at the end of the year. Women were able to pay school fees and contribute in the family budget, this came with enormous respect from our opposite sex.
Flash forward times have passed and these concept has been brought down to generations. I vividly remember the chama days of my dear mum, I can still smell the aroma in the delicacies prepared and the fashion displayed was on point. We each had our favorite member and we would look forward to their coming even if we had to wait almost an year to see some of their faces. Food was in plenty and the environment filled with joy and laughter. We would eat way early than the guests arrival and only this time were we allowed to play very far from the house. NOW I KNOW WHY.
The apple does not fall fall from the tree. Let me just say I found myself in a couple of Chama's- no regrets thou. I love and enjoy every moment with my girls and look forward to every Chama meeting. There are different personalities, thou let me just highlight a few, am sure Chama members can relate.Just find out who you are.
1.Fashionista.
The lady can dress. Her hair and make up is on point. She always has a new outfit or a new hairdo and yes she is pretty and rocks almost everything she tries out. We all look forward to her arrival.If she is the one hosting, WOW, her house is on point, there is always something new and exciting, new curtains maybe or she has changed the set up of her home.Everything is just lovely, she never disappoints.
2. Crowd Puller.
A very sociable and likeable person. A marketer indeed. She can easily martial members to support her point or even change the constitution to her favour. You should watch out for her.
3.Accountant cum Auditor by default.
None of those is in her profession but when it comes to money matters she is very keen and alert. She keeps record of all monies and loans taken by members. She is keen on reconciling money on table and no shilling goes unaccounted for. A valuable asset in Chama.
4.Absent minded.
These are the people when you make rules in Chama the next time they will be shocked when you changed the constitution. If you bring up a topic they are the last people to get it. A good asset to Crowd puller because they can easily be convinced. Tag them along in this journey you need everyone though it can be a bit annoying to deal with them at times.
5. Story Teller.
A crowd puller can easily fit in this group. These are the ladies who make you laugh your ribs out and forget about your worries. They have juicy stories that bring about discussions. Chairlady should be keen on these ones because they can consume alot of Chama time.
And yes we do Gossip.
The extent depends on the maturity of your Chama. It can be as silly as a Chama member who is a bad cook and puts alot of water in the soup in the extent that meat is floating.
And yes we do incite each other.
We advise each other on how we live with our dear children, in-laws, house helps and of course husbands , how one cheated and was tamed, how one was abusive and was tamed, how one was stingy and was tamed.The list is endless.At the process we have a good laugh at the experiences. If this is incitement then we are guilty as charged.
This is where we unwind. During this time we forget all our problems and worries. Men this is good for us because really, a woman carries and sacrifices a lot. This is one of her time out. She really needs this and so do you .Plus the money is good- you can testify , you have on some occasions enjoyed a loan from this Chama or even something new has been bought in your house from this Chama.
We are all benefiting so let us be.
Long Live Chama.
With Love,
the WOMAN in me.
Honestly speaking they are not that far from the truth.
Before you start raising all insults on me allow me to explain my point.
Let me say every woman should have an active Chama, if you are not in one you are missing out big time.The pros of being in one actually beats the cons.
Women Chama started way back with our great grandparents and it is attributed to development in the society. Women formed into small vikundi's and contributed money say monthly and helped one another in starting different income generating projects thus lifting the economic status for members.This led to transformation from mud houses to mabati houses.
In these Women Chamas they gave out loans to members for emergencies or even self development at a small fee and the interest generated was again loaned out to members or they would share at the end of the year. Women were able to pay school fees and contribute in the family budget, this came with enormous respect from our opposite sex.
Flash forward times have passed and these concept has been brought down to generations. I vividly remember the chama days of my dear mum, I can still smell the aroma in the delicacies prepared and the fashion displayed was on point. We each had our favorite member and we would look forward to their coming even if we had to wait almost an year to see some of their faces. Food was in plenty and the environment filled with joy and laughter. We would eat way early than the guests arrival and only this time were we allowed to play very far from the house. NOW I KNOW WHY.
The apple does not fall fall from the tree. Let me just say I found myself in a couple of Chama's- no regrets thou. I love and enjoy every moment with my girls and look forward to every Chama meeting. There are different personalities, thou let me just highlight a few, am sure Chama members can relate.Just find out who you are.
1.Fashionista.
The lady can dress. Her hair and make up is on point. She always has a new outfit or a new hairdo and yes she is pretty and rocks almost everything she tries out. We all look forward to her arrival.If she is the one hosting, WOW, her house is on point, there is always something new and exciting, new curtains maybe or she has changed the set up of her home.Everything is just lovely, she never disappoints.
2. Crowd Puller.
A very sociable and likeable person. A marketer indeed. She can easily martial members to support her point or even change the constitution to her favour. You should watch out for her.
3.Accountant cum Auditor by default.
None of those is in her profession but when it comes to money matters she is very keen and alert. She keeps record of all monies and loans taken by members. She is keen on reconciling money on table and no shilling goes unaccounted for. A valuable asset in Chama.
4.Absent minded.
These are the people when you make rules in Chama the next time they will be shocked when you changed the constitution. If you bring up a topic they are the last people to get it. A good asset to Crowd puller because they can easily be convinced. Tag them along in this journey you need everyone though it can be a bit annoying to deal with them at times.
5. Story Teller.
A crowd puller can easily fit in this group. These are the ladies who make you laugh your ribs out and forget about your worries. They have juicy stories that bring about discussions. Chairlady should be keen on these ones because they can consume alot of Chama time.
And yes we do Gossip.
The extent depends on the maturity of your Chama. It can be as silly as a Chama member who is a bad cook and puts alot of water in the soup in the extent that meat is floating.
And yes we do incite each other.
We advise each other on how we live with our dear children, in-laws, house helps and of course husbands , how one cheated and was tamed, how one was abusive and was tamed, how one was stingy and was tamed.The list is endless.At the process we have a good laugh at the experiences. If this is incitement then we are guilty as charged.
This is where we unwind. During this time we forget all our problems and worries. Men this is good for us because really, a woman carries and sacrifices a lot. This is one of her time out. She really needs this and so do you .Plus the money is good- you can testify , you have on some occasions enjoyed a loan from this Chama or even something new has been bought in your house from this Chama.
We are all benefiting so let us be.
Long Live Chama.
With Love,
the WOMAN in me.
Wednesday, 4 February 2015
WEALTH CREATION
Interesting topic you will say. This is what we all want - to live in big houses(correction homes), drive nice cars, go on nice holidays and have freedom to do whatever we want. I mean money makes the world go round.
But tell me how can a child from a humble background rise from bottom to top. Should they dream less so that it can be easier for them to attain? Is there anything like realistic dreams and fantasies?How can the rich and wealthy maintain their status? Are the rules of the game fair?
Take case study Kenya- we all know investors are streaming into this country. Most expatriates once there contracts are over choose to remain and settle here and thrive in their business. My question is are they seeing something we are not seeing? Have they managed to uncover something we seem not to find?
It is said you hold the keys to your life, but what happens if you can't find that door for which you are to open. The million dollar question is -How do I become wealthy? Who will mentor us to find the correct path?
Wealth they say depends on your description- I believe being wealthy is having a balance in everything. A loving family, striving business/career/ investments, healthy body and of course having the time to spend all that with your family and loved ones. I believe in the joy of giving- things are good when shared.
Once again- how do I get to this position? How do I become wealthy?
I will give just few lists I have heard and I leave you to decide.
1. We were all created with the power of choice. To choose life or death in simple terms everything depends on the choices you make in life.
2. God provides. Matthew 6:33 " But seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you.
3.Identify a need in your society and strive to fulfill that need and you will become rich in the process.
4.Generosity. Luke 6:38 Give and it shall be given to you; good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, shall men give into your bosom.
Proverbs 11:25 The generous soul will be made rich and he who waters will also be watered himself.
5. Lifestyle- Fake it till you make it. How do the billionaires live? How do they use their money?
For starters all the successful people I have seen being interviewed follow a certain routine.
But tell me how can a child from a humble background rise from bottom to top. Should they dream less so that it can be easier for them to attain? Is there anything like realistic dreams and fantasies?How can the rich and wealthy maintain their status? Are the rules of the game fair?
Take case study Kenya- we all know investors are streaming into this country. Most expatriates once there contracts are over choose to remain and settle here and thrive in their business. My question is are they seeing something we are not seeing? Have they managed to uncover something we seem not to find?
It is said you hold the keys to your life, but what happens if you can't find that door for which you are to open. The million dollar question is -How do I become wealthy? Who will mentor us to find the correct path?
Wealth they say depends on your description- I believe being wealthy is having a balance in everything. A loving family, striving business/career/ investments, healthy body and of course having the time to spend all that with your family and loved ones. I believe in the joy of giving- things are good when shared.
Once again- how do I get to this position? How do I become wealthy?
I will give just few lists I have heard and I leave you to decide.
1. We were all created with the power of choice. To choose life or death in simple terms everything depends on the choices you make in life.
2. God provides. Matthew 6:33 " But seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you.
3.Identify a need in your society and strive to fulfill that need and you will become rich in the process.
4.Generosity. Luke 6:38 Give and it shall be given to you; good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, shall men give into your bosom.
Proverbs 11:25 The generous soul will be made rich and he who waters will also be watered himself.
5. Lifestyle- Fake it till you make it. How do the billionaires live? How do they use their money?
For starters all the successful people I have seen being interviewed follow a certain routine.
- They are early birds- so if you love your sleep, poverty might be knocking at your door.
- They take care of their body. They exercise. Join a gym if you can afford if not jog or even walk, meditate. This is good for your mind.
- Have a belief in higher authority, A spiritual being.
6. Talent. We all have our God given talent. Find it, use it, earn from it. As it is written your talent will present you towards kings. Take for example the guy who drew the president of Kenya and got to meet him in person. Juliani( I hope you won't mind me using your name) only as an artist has he been able to rub shoulders with the likes of Bob Collymore(Safaricom), Willy Mutunga(Chief Justice Kenya) just to mention a few- and of course yes he is reaping and living large out of it.
7.Wisdom. As I said earlier - you might have the key, but can't find the door, or maybe you are too slow and someone else crushes in and you are left standing with your key. You must be able to identify opportunities and grasp them before someone else does. This calls for wisdom. If anyone lacks wisdom they should ask from God.
8.Mentorship. Have someone you look up to. Someone who will watch your steps, someone who has made it also in life, people you can copy from, people who will guide on the right step. With the experience and knowledge they come along with they can make your journey to the top way easy and well calculated.
9.Company. Show me your friends and I will show you who you are. Surround yourself with people who believe in you. People who are positive thinkers.People who push you to be more. People who encourage you. Positive energy is good for you as well as constructive criticism.
10.Know when to quit. This is very important. This can be linked to wisdom as well but I felt highlighting for emphasis. You should be able to realize when something is not working for you, to drop it and pick something else and get over with it. Know when to quit.Do not be afraid to test other waters, you might never know what is on the other side if you remain where you are.
11.Dream big. Always have something you are looking up to. Once you have attained it enjoy and have another dream a bigger one. This makes life more interesting and you look up to another day and seeing what it unfolds for you. Interesting right?
Find your own path in all this and see what works for you. We are in this journey. Do not give up. Every new day is a second chance to be more.
Now to the question- How do I become wealthy?
Truly speaking there is no clear answer.There are many ways of killing a rat. Find one and perfect on it. If not come up with your own way at the end of the day- the target is killing the rat.
Do not stress yourself too much, enjoy each and every moment of your life.The simplicities of life- smile, hug your loved ones, check up on them, visit your friends and relatives and have a good laugh. Be happy and find people who also make you happy.
It is never that serious.
Happy new year, as we enter this month of Love.
Be BLESSED.
the WOMAN in me.
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